What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize