Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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