You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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