***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him