God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
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Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.