Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.