drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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