so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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