Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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