Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
