Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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