shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
