U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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