she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
