im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
