Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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