sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
