She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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