so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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