that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
