is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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