found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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