the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The adults are the big ones right?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
