I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize