Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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