The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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