The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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