hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
