Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
