New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
