maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
