What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I would ride that face into the sunset
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