this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
