I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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