Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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