Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
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Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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