...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
