I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
