It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
