well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
