i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
