that's an acceptable place to lick
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
