Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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