ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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