I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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