you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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