mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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