NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
