the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
