she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
