i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Randomize
