last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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