There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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