I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
