she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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