i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I can text with my tongue
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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