Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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