THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
