dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
