I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
