I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
