Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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