You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
