I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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